Connie Page Ten The Children in Her Care

"Fighting and arguing are all part of it, but when the chips are down, they protect each other." Fred's particular strength is that he was able to form such a strong bond to his SOS mother, even though he was already ten years old when he came to the SOS Children's Village. He has the strength to see me as his anchor. Fabian was also able to adapt to this close relationship and to use it to his benefit. He also has a great inner peace. Lena's strength is that she can cope with the demands that are made on her. It must be difficult always to take another step when it doesn't come easily to you. Lena has to work hard for every step she takes. Mandy, the little fighter, is an equally lovable little girl. She has a mischievous way of batting her eyelids, can win people over and can adapt well to various situations.

The four of them together have the strength that they act like brothers and sisters. The children have found a harmonious way of living together. Fighting and arguing are all part of it, but, when the chips are down, they protect each other. These are the fruits borne by the energy I have put in and it is how I regain my energy. I'm passionate about my children, despite all the difficulties, and I wouldn't be without any of them.

What would you like to give your children to help them on their way? What would you give the girls and boys?
I'd like to be able to instil in them, how important it is to have other people and to be there for others. Also to have respect for your opposites, even if they are different from yourself. I'd like them to have fun and enjoy life, and to have a person of trust from whom they can get good advice. I'd like to be able to teach them that not everything has to be perfect all the time and that sometimes you can just turn a blind eye to everything, and that they should enjoy having each other. I'd like them to know that they can talk to me about anything at any time. My children are growing up in an environment where they have nearly everything, materially. I want to tell them that that's very nice, but not to be taken for granted. I already see a bit of the danger of high expectations. That's why we talk about it a lot. We talk about how people live and that it's not so bad not to have much money, but that you still have to fulfil your obligations.

What do you wish for your children's futures?
I just wish for one big thing and that is that they are content with themselves and their lives. I hope that they will have both feet on the ground, that they will train for a job and find work. I hope that they will have beautiful flats, start families of their own, or not, depending on how their plans develop. I also tell my children, "If it isn't to be, then that's not so tragic either."

How much do your children see of their natural families?
I am of the opinion that the children's knowledge of their origins should be kept alive. It is important for them to know where they come from, who their parents are, where their brothers and sisters are and where their roots lie. At some stage, every child wants to know that. These days, the children who are put in our care still have their natural parents and have their pictures of them. It starts to get difficult when these pictures begin to fade. Then you have to follow it up and prevent that happening. That's why it's important to let some biographical work with the children flow into your daily life. When they were old enough, I started with picture cards so that the children knew where they were: "That's your father, that's your mother, that's your former foster mother, this is me and this is where you live now." What is important is that you don't make anything nicer than it is and neither do you judge things. You have to approach the subject objectively and say, "Yes, that was bad." Then the child gets the feeling that there is somebody there who believes him that things were bad, or tells him that there were good times too. The children shouldn't be made to have conflicting loyalties and that's another reason why I have to support them.

As far as the visiting rights are concerned, we have always managed to reach an agreement with the youth welfare department, so that the interests of the child have been in the forefront and the parents have been able to get involved. I think that the more transparently I tell the parents about their children, the more likely they are to want to co-operate. If the relationship changes, we discuss it during the child development planning meetings and adapt the visiting rights. Could you describe this planning in more detail?
Child development planning is laid down in the youth welfare laws. Every six months the youth welfare department calls a planning meeting and we, as SOS Children's Villages, prepare for it by writing a progress report about the child. This report contains a check on the educational aims of the previous six months: Has the child learned to do up his shoelaces, for example? The methods used are evaluated and aims are laid down for the next six months. The youth welfare department and the parents get an impression of the child's development during these meetings, and the aims for the next six months are put down in writing. This child development plan is then the basis for all our actions and I, personally, find it very useful.

Would you like to stay in touch with your children after they have left your family?
The children should know that I will always be there for them to talk to. My personal wish would be for that to happen too. I have the feeling that we live like a family. I'm aware that they aren't my real children, but it's something very similar. I am still very close to my parents, brothers and sisters and I'd like it to be something like that too.

To My Colleagues Around The World

No matter how many miles lie between us, how many different languages we speak or how many different cultures there are in this world, I believe that we SOS mothers are bound by something each of us carries inside her: that is that we are there for needy children, that we have the strength to be a pillar for children who are not so well off, and that we give children who are looking for motherliness the chance of finding it. I think it is wonderful that something binds us, even though we will probably never meet. It is an amazing feeling to know that there are women all over the world who are probably thinking the same thing as me at this moment.

Connie's Story:
Page 1
Page 2
Page 3
Page 4
Page 5
Page 6
Page 7
Page 8
Page 9
Page 10

All these mother's stories come from SOS Children's Village Hermann Gmeiner Academy. Copyright is reserved and no unauthorized use permitted. Use for non-commercial purposes may be requested. The interviews telling about the lives of some SOS Mothers form part of an interesting study on being a replacement Mother to children in need in SOS Children's communities worldwide.