Connie Page Nine

How would you describe your tasks as an SOS mother?
I am a person to whom children who need help can turn to. I'm there for those who need security, safety and trust. I can offer the children these things, but it is the children who have to take them. I am somebody who is there for them and just that fact alone creates some certainty. The children who live in the SOS Children's Villages have gone through terrible things. I always say they have a heavy rucksack of experiences to carry. Nobody can carry that rucksack for them. I can only help them. And at some stage, the child will want to look into his rucksack. I can be a pillar or an anchor for him, so that he can bear it and can deal with what he sees in his rucksack. Perhaps he will find his inner peace. The basis for this is the relationship which is possible between an SOS mother and a child. I have found that this attitude has a healing effect on the children. It is often just a tiny, tiny step. Everybody goes at their own speed and some children may never manage to deal with their rucksacks entirely. However, the least they should be able to do is to accept their rucksacks and not to see them as a burden, dragging them down.

Could you tell us about the best experience and the hardest situation you have had to deal with?
After Oliver moved out, Fabian got a tic in his eye. We were clearing out Oliver's room together, because I felt it was important not to do it secretly. I had to deal with the emotions of losing a foster child and I knew that the children would have to deal with it too. From that day in February onwards, Fabian had this tic. It came five or six times a minute. Then the Easter holidays started. We packed our things to go to my friend's for a holiday, got in the car and drove off. I looked in the rear-view mirror and suddenly the tic was gone. It has never come back and I find that incredible. Fabian knew that we were going to have a lovely time together, and I think that had a healing effect on him. That was an impressive and lovely experience.

At the same time, it was hard for me to lose Oliver. For a long time I tried to deny to myself that our family wasn't the right place for him. When I was around, Oliver's behaviour was acceptable, but as soon as I was out of his sight, he became aggressive and tried to get himself noticed. Then came the time when he shouted, "I can't cope any more! I want to go to hospital!" He was basically saying to me, "Let me go!" It was a cry for help, and from that moment on, I was able to let go. Those were difficult and sad times for me, because we had built up an intense relationship over the two years he was here. I made use of all the assistance that was on offer in the SOS Children's Village and my best friend was a great support, because I could just cry my eyes out with her.

Does Hermann Gmeiner still mean anything to you?
Yes, for me personally, Hermann Gmeiner and his idea still have a lot of meaning. That has become even clearer during the restructuring of the German SOS Children's Village association. I realised then that I wanted to grasp these roots and feel them, because I wasn't sure how things would go with the teamwork. I started as an SOS mother before we had this system and I'm personally convinced by Hermann Gmeiner's model. If I only do the job as an educator, then the ties to the basic ideas are lost. I can work in any home as an educator and even live there, but it still wouldn't be the same as what the SOS Children's Villages have been so far, or what, hopefully, from the roots, they will be in future.

Conny, when you think of the future, how do you see yourself in ten or fifteen years’ time?
I hope that I will still have the strength, the energy and the desire to be here for children who need me, and that I will still enjoy it as much as I do now. I'd like to experience a lot of wonderful things with my family and to travel with them through Germany and Austria. I hope that I will still retain my inner satisfaction.

Connie's Story:
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All these mother's stories come from SOS Children's Village Hermann Gmeiner Academy. Copyright is reserved and no unauthorized use permitted. Use for non-commercial purposes may be requested. The interviews telling about the lives of some SOS Mothers form part of an interesting study on being a replacement Mother to children in need in SOS Children's communities worldwide.