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Experiences as an SOS Mother"I am prepared to give everything for these children."
This work is noble and precious. Only God can reward this work. It is a sacrifice I bring for these children. I leave my own children outside and show my love to the children in my SOS family. That isn't easy and it's a gift that not everybody has. That is the reason why I was so happy to be made an SOS mother. I am prepared to give everything for these children. They should feel as if they were being brought up by their own mother. I want to see them as my own children. I tell myself I have to help these children so that they will become good citizens in the future. If they manage to achieve something in life then they will be in the position to help other children and that is the start of a chain reaction.
How would you describe your work as an SOS mother?
The women who become SOS mothers are mostly divorced, widowed, or single women who are unemployed, like I was. There are also the orphans, children who have nobody. That's what Hermann Gmeiner did. He brought these women and needy children together and gave them all a future. The SOS mother is the heart of the SOS Children's Village. She needs help and support because she is the one who has to react to the material and emotional needs of the child. Amongst others, the demands made on an SOS mother are that she loves the children; she has to be tolerant and fair; she has to be honest to herself and to the children. She has to be devout and brave, attentive and faithful. She should be there for the children and always be ready to listen. All of this is important in order to do justice to the children. The SOS mother is solely and entirely responsible for everything that happens in the house, for the children's health, education and development, for making sure that they go to school, that they have enough to eat and that the house is kept clean.
Furthermore, I would like to explain the other things that SOS Children's Villages does. For example, you can go to the mother and child clinic to be treated or send your child to an SOS Hermann Gmeiner School. People are happy and thankful about the things that SOS Children's Villages offers. Some of the young girls from the SOS Children's Village are already married now and that is a good sign of what SOS Children's Villages can bring about. One special thing about SOS Children's Village Kaolack, or of all the Senegalese SOS Children's Villages, is the tolerance with which we approach people of different beliefs. It can be that a Muslim SOS mother looks after both Christian and Muslim children. She has to make sure that the Christian children receive a Christian education and that the Muslim children receive a Muslim one. The Catholic children see how the Koran is taught and the Muslim children experience the Catechism being taught too. In the years since you have been in the SOS Children's Village have you, as a person, changed?
I have got used to the SOS Children's Village and identify with my role as an SOS mother. The SOS Children's Village is anchored deeply in my heart and soul. Even when I leave the village, I always want to come back as quickly as possible. When I visit my family the SOS Children's Village is present in me and my family can sense that too. I live for the SOS Children's Village.
Can you tell us what the best thing is about your work?
Bringing up the children. What counts is bringing up the children and not cleaning the tiles or doing the washing. Is there anything that you don't like or would like to change?
SOS mothers receive a pension when they retire, but it's not much and it's difficult to live on. The SOS mothers often don't know where they should live. I've had the idea that the association should put away three percent of an SOS mother's income over the years and save it for her. Then, when the time comes for her to retire, they should pay her out this sum. She could use this money to build a room or a small flat for herself at her family's place.
Has anything changed in the SOS Children's Village in the years you have been here?
Yes, there have been big changes. The children are doing much better at school now and some of them have even won prizes. The children are receiving much better help in this aspect nowadays. There's also a sports ground for the children and they are offered the chance to do all sorts of handicraft work. All in all, there's much more on offer for the children now. The best pupils this year were allowed to go to a holiday camp in The Gambia. That was a prize for them and should be an incentive for the others. We also organised occasional picnics for the better pupils during the school year. At the end of the year they had the holiday camp and they see that as a major motivation.
We, that is the SOS mothers and the new village director, have started setting goals for ourselves. In 1999 we set ourselves the goal of not upsetting or offending our children. The next year our goal was not to talk about the children anymore and to be completely discrete; whatever is wrong with the child remains in the family. In 2001 our aim was tolerance. At the end of each year we evaluate and take stock to see how we should continue in the next year. We all do that together.
Is there anything like a community in the SOS Children's Village? We all feel as though we are sisters because our own families are that little bit further away. If one of the SOS mothers has a problem we all try to help and support her. If I have a problem then everyone has a problem and if I am at peace then everyone is at peace. That is the spirit of the village. If one of my children is naughty or upsets somebody or is rude to them and one of the other SOS mothers sees this, she will call the child to one side and tell him off because all of us are here to bring up all the children.
What is your working relationship with the village director like? I have a good relationship with the village director. I am committed to my children and there's no problem there. For example, I'm given money to buy clothes for the children and in order to get really good clothes, I go all the way to Dakar. We see one another regularly and he gives me a lot of good advice. Sometimes I go to him and sometimes he comes here. On other occasions I go to him with one of the children. We also have meetings and gatherings where we deal with life in the SOS Children's Village or the problems of the youths. We deal with everything at these meetings. But we can approach the village director at any time, even if there isn't a meeting.
How do you divide the tasks between the SOS mother and the SOS aunt? We have got ten family houses and five SOS aunts so each SOS aunt has two houses to look after and changes on a weekly basis. There are two ways of dividing the tasks: either the SOS aunt comes in the morning and we share the work out straight away so that one does the cooking and the other cleans or does the washing; or, if the two of you get on very well together, you can do all the work together too.
The difference is that the SOS aunt goes home in the evenings and the SOS mother stays overnight. As an SOS mother you accompany the children and you are responsible for them. As an SOS aunt you swap around between the families and don't have the same responsibility. An SOS mother is also involved in the flow of information. You take part in meetings. It's an entirely different position.
If you think back on your years in the SOS Children's Village, can you remember a particularly special experience?
The thing that I remember best is the first time I took part in an SOS mothers’ forum. All the SOS mothers from Senegal were gathered there and when I plucked up enough courage to speak for the first time, my voice was shaking because I wasn't used to speaking in front of so many people. Over the years I have got used to it and have gained confidence. All in all, that meeting was a wonderful experience and a great chance to swap ideas with other SOS mothers.
How did you find your training to be an SOS mother? Did you have a favourite subject?
We had psychology, home economics, health-care education, cooking, religious training and handicrafts. Everything was important. We did our practicals in all three SOS Children's Villages. The training gave me an idea of what the work of an SOS mother means. We haven't had any courses since but a psychologist has been to every SOS Children's Village to talk about specific topics with us such as child psychology.
What is your contact with the neighbourhood like?
There is contact. Our children go there and children from outside come here. We SOS mothers are in contact with the families in the neighbourhood. If there is a social event taking place there, we take part.
What sort of image does the general public have of an SOS mother?
The people are proud of the SOS mothers. They admire them because they know that SOS mothers are women who commit themselves to a particular group of children. They also know that only God can really reward them for their work.
How do you see your future?
I have a clear conscience because I have invested a lot of myself in the bringing-up of these children and my own. That's why I'm calm and can only say, "Thanks to God."
The Children in Her Care
"I hope that these children will one day be able to pass on what they have experienced here to their own children."
When I took this family over, there were two bigger girls whom I looked after for two more years before they left the SOS Children's Village. One of these girls was getting married and during the preparations I got in touch with her in-laws to make all the negotiations. After the wedding, when she went to live with her husband's family, she took two of her younger brothers and sisters and two youths from the SOS Children's Village to live with her. This was good because the social integration of the youths is a problem. There are children who finish their education with a diploma but there are others who do not manage that, can't find a job and end up on the streets doing nothing. Why isn't it possible to help these youths with small projects? For example, you could give them a vehicle with which they could transport rubbish to the dump or take children to school. I would like to make an appeal to all SOS mothers around the world that they help the youths living on the streets by putting their thirteenth salary at their disposal. The solidarity of all SOS mothers would create a strong network of support for the youths.
Could you tell us a little about the children living in your SOS family now? Gaye Si is the eldest and she's fifteen. She is well brought up and friendly, but her results at school are not the best. She's doing an apprenticeship as a seamstress now. The next is Gilbert who is eight years old. He is shy, but wants to work. He's prepared to learn for school. Paul is also eight. He's lively, likes to work and learn, but can't sit still. He causes me a lot of work because you always have to keep an eye on him. His brother, Abrahame, is five and quite the opposite. He's steady, likes to make things with his hands and doesn't like to be disturbed when he's doing it. He's doing well at school and is very intelligent. Tidiane is also eight, also very lively and open and works hard at school. He could already read and write before he went to school so he settled down very quickly there. Mariana is Tidiane's sister and she's five. She was very shy and distant when she came here. But now she's opened up, is lively, likes to chat and works hard. When Mariana Ka came here she had never been to a kindergarten. She was sent straight to school and ended up having to repeat the first year. We gave her a lot of extra help and now that she's eight, she can read and write. Victoire is also eight, works hard and is the liveliest of the girls. Janté is three and is Victoire's younger sister. She laughs, is happy and wants to sing and dance all the time.
If you imagine your children's future, what wishes do you have for your sons and daughters?
I hope that the children will be successful and be good citizens, that the girls will marry and that the boys will find good wives. I hope that these children will one day be able to pass on what they have experienced here to their own children.
What was the best thing you have experienced with the children so far?
The best moments are those when the children have passed their exams with at least an average mark. One day Mariana Ka came to me. She was the one who had been having problems. She showed me her schoolbook and she had written everything beautifully. I was so happy that I even started dancing. I bought sweets and was happy and contented.
There must have been difficult moments too.
It's very difficult if there isn't an SOS aunt. If I'm alone with nine children, I can get stressed out, my nerves are on edge and I run out of patience with the children. If you haven't got time for the children, that's bad.
Is there anything you can do to regain your strength?
I try to organise everything so that I've done most of the housework by the time the children come home for lunch. That means that I can have a bit of a break after lunch until I help the children with their homework later in the afternoon.
Do you know your children's histories?
No, I don't know them.
Do you know any of the children's relatives?
The children spend the holidays with their natural families. Some of them still have both parents; others only have a father or a mother. When the families come to collect the children, I tell them anything unusual about the child and about any educational measures so that a minimum of continuity is guaranteed. In return, when the family brings the child back, they tell me how things went and how the child has developed in the meantime.
To My Colleagues Around the World
I would ask all SOS mothers to bring the children up well and to set them on the right path. There are so many SOS Children's Villages around the world and I think it's a pity that there's no contact between the children such as pen friends, for example. That would be a wonderful thing.
All these mother's stories come from SOS Children's Village Hermann Gmeiner Academy. Copyright is reserved and no unauthorized use permitted. Use for non-commercial purposes may be requested. The interviews telling about the lives of some SOS Mothers form part of an interesting study on being a replacement Mother to children in need in SOS Children's communities worldwide.